So I learned a new word...just today. Kafkaesque. I must admit to having seen it most recently on the Amazing Race, but today during one of my many multi-tasking computer related delays waiting for another program to respond, I searched the term and was kind of surprised at what I found:
"marked by a senseless, disorienting, often menacing complexity"
Reminds me of some of my email updates and blog postings.
"an intentional distortion of reality by powerful but anonymous bureaucrats"
reminds me of the political state here the last five months (and to some extent before that as well)
"an existentialist state of ever-elusive freedom while existing under unmitigable control."
This one is probably supposed to be forever frustrating...I tend to look at this as freeing as I know I live life under God's control. As I have said before...if we are not under God, then we are under Satan...but never should we think we can operate independent and completely free agents in this world.
"anything suggestive of Kafka, especially his nightmarish type of narration, in which characters lack a clear course of action, the ability to see beyond immediate events, and the possibility of escape."
I am terrified as I recognize the lack of my own ability to dig myself out of the grave where I find myself, mired in my own sense of being lost and can not see what could possibly change...wait, what was I talking about?
No matter. My office is cluttered with papers as things get done, emails get sent trying to coordinate things for next year...it is a veritable flurry of activity. I am having trouble I admit stopping to do anything else...it kind of feels like pressure, a good pressure, but pressure. I knew I was in a bad place though when the thought of not working until midnight tonight straight through because we have a date night frustrated me...which told me right away I need the date night all the more. Of course, date night tonight it trying out a place or two briefly to see if it will work for our staff Christmas party, and seeing an old friend who is trying to sell some eye glass frames. Ah the glamour! But the real reason to go is to be together. What we do is not quite as important as how we do it.
Lastly today I had to include this. It is a C.S. Lewis quote. Plenty of those floating around, but this one came as a tag to an email from someone to whom I know this has incredible significance. Even for those of us who have not gone through incredible pain, something can be gleaned I pray:
"We are not necessarily doubting God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be." -C.S. Lewis
That reminds me of Romans 8:28...along with 29. 28 is the first part of that quote, 29 the latter...our good is being conformed to the image of Christ. Not what we see as good, but God's view...which sometimes should frighten us just a bit. In that light, Christ left perfection to suffer an entire life for the benefit of us, mocking, beatings beyond all human recognition, suffering emotional loss, torment and having everyone around him abandon him (and much, much more)...Christ did indeed do it all, and for us. When we are conformed to His image...sometimes that will indeed be painful. Something we should consider and remember...not in a pretty poster with only the first verse, but remembering truly that our "good" and God's "good" are quite often two different things.