Monday, January 19, 2015

Unfit for service

I wanted to post this on social media, but it does not fit...literally, too long. 

I had an overwhelming day up on the mission campus in just a few hours time.  Some things good, challenging, bad, some just flummoxing in my ability to answer or figure them out.

1.  Joys of seeing the Milk Project changes and passion in the hearts of those serving
2.  Struggles of what they are seeing in visiting the homes of the Milk Project kids food, no clothing, no shoes, no materials to be able to go to school, parents sharing that they have to decide between the possibility of eating versus enrolling their kids in kindergarten.  How can we help I am pressed to answer? 
3.  Costs to high to keep one of our clothing stores open, praying for brother Jose Luis that he can keep it going by doing it out of his home and on his own with some help from us selling him the clothes.  He is frail of health, this going well would mean he could provide for his home, as well as continue to share the Gospel with those that visit him.  How will it go now that we could not keep renting the previous location? 
4.  I have a plan for how much it would cost to build out the area above the garage and intern/missionary housing...yikes.  How are we going to be able to pull this off?
5.  How much should we pay Jorge's son who came to help us rake the coffee harvested in Las Botijas last week? 
6.  How can we help our clinic cashier to leave his parents' home and begin a life with his wife, on his meager salary?  Providing a scholarship to his wife to finish studying to be a microbiologist (someone we could use to be the doctor of the lab in the future)?  They are living apart now in their parents homes and his wife with their child because of the problems in each household for each of can they live in harmony and actually make it work? 
7.  How do we plan for the space we have currently and that which we can build to be used best and at the least cost?  What is our plan for all this and how will it come to pass and when? 
8   A former pastor with us now back in town is looking for a job (Miguel Montoya) and wanted to know what we had available.  We need someone to help Oscar with his work and long term to learn that to be able to continue and expand.  Can we afford to hire him now? How long can he wait to find out? 
9.  We have a donation for the construction on the clinic second floor.  Will it be enough to finish? How should we get going gangbusters to see how far we can go? 
10.  We need to have internet access in the Milk Project, how do I get these extenders working for the signal to reach them?  (and some areas in the clinic)
11.  The clinic computer and Milk Project computers need Microsoft Office to be used properly, I need to buy copies and then get them installed. 
12.  There is no cell signal for receiving business calls in various areas of the clinic.  Finding a product and getting it here timely to fix least I found a relatively inexpensive product, hope it works.
13.  How can I help Justin in the plans to do inventory for the rest of the mission and its containers, and where/how to store things best?
14.  How do we best layout the souvenir store?
15.  What painting projects need to wait for groups and which need to be done sooner?
16.  The Church in Talanga does not have a use for the Church, the TV station and for the clothing ministry there.  How can we provide one...can we afford to buy one?  Do we need to lend them the Blue Ford? 
17.  How can we implement a budget to help all the Churches have a unified curriculum for their Sunday school activities?
18.  We found out someone supplying us with cheaper medicines locally was actually selling counterfeit medicine.  How do we approach him for a refund, especially given that we are not willing to give him back the medicine for fear it would be used elsewhere?  We will have to burn it to make sure it is not used. 
19.  How do we finish the installation of the new electrical fence and its controls?  The layout they left us is not feasible for checking up on it and turning off the alarms.  Plus, I need to contract local cable to provide us a phone line so it can call us if there is an alarm triggered, and to get internet for the property to be able to monitor the security cameras in real time when something does happen.  Plus I have to figure out how to pay for that as well.
20.  What do we need to do to finish the souvenir store?
21.  How can I help Jana in her need to find a place to live and transportation?
22.  What do we need to do to spur our law issues regarding the pending land transfer from the Church to us for the property and the legal recognition of His Eyes?  Hire another lawyer to help our current lawyer Rebeca spur things along? our lawyer sick and dying? 
23.  Gustavo needs help with fixing the Montero and welding...thankfully a plan is in place with Oscar to spend the day with Teto there tomorrow to hopefully get it squared away for the rest of harvest time. 

We did not even get around to talking about the Milk Project new building needs, or the website issues we are having with, the fact that I am three months behind on book keeping for the mission and year end reports, plus reports for Churches that support us or....a bunch of other things to dizzying to mention. 

Again and again like a stubborn and foolish Moses I rage against my Father with questions of why am I here...why me for such a weighty privileged calling? Should not it be Franklin Graham or someone else of such stature, who can talk and things just happen?  Those people who pray and have answers...or just have answers from great wisdom and intellect? 

I feel wholly under qualified in my heart and over esteemed by some to think this is somehow possible in me.  I pray God would guide this dullard to decisions and direction that are bright in His eyes, because all too often I hear the needs and have no answer as to how to meet them. 

I am unfit for service...but called to serve.  I am not qualified, but work for Him who qualifies.  It is a beautiful, sometimes frustrating and scary, mystery.  Man is it ever. 


Justin. HIS.service said...

I'm right there with you, brother!I often wish i could see a little in myself of what God sees in me, to have chosen me to serve His Kingdom.

Bruce Dillard said...

Just put a welding hood aside to bring in September, do you need me to come sooner? If this is a look inside that great head, I mean mind, of yours, I am dumb struck. I shall pray more often for His Eyes and for you. God bless you Hermano.


Kim Mullins said...

Bruce, if you go sooner, I will go with you! Felipe I just read your blog to my husband. By the end I was in tears. You have some big shoulders, but man, that's a lot to bear.

Felipe Colby said...

Thanks all, much appreciated.